I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize