His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im on a boat
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