I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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