Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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