Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize