Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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