he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize