Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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