I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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