im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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