If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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