hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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