It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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