from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize