Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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