Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize