tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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