true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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