Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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