yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So vagazzling was a success
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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