We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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