Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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