I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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