Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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