She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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