So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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