thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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