i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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