you didnt know i had herpes?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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