oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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