I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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