trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize