why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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