My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize