then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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