I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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