My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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