My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Girls should come with a carfax report
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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