She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize