I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize