I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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