did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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