i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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