Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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