i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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