wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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