Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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