How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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