Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize