I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize